Reflections on a year past

Wow. It has been a year since I started this webpage. So much change, so many emotions, so much healing.

I didn’t keep up with this blog, because one thing I learned about myself, when life gets busy, I tend to ignore going within, and just go into survival mode. And good habits get put on the shelf for later. When the time is perfect and the conditions are right.

Then I learned, rarely is the time perfect, nor the conditions just right. But you need to go within anyway. In fact, that is especially the time to do it.

2023 was quite a year of exploration. Inside and outside of myself. And sometimes the outward exploring helps to explore the inside. I know, what the hell does that mean? My first three months of the year was a lot of inward exploration as I was committed to stay with a job for 3 more months that was suffocating my Spirit. Although I loved working with my coworker, I couldn’t stay, for my own sake. I walked out of there with a weight lifted off my shoulders, and started the road trip that helped me find and define parts of me again.

I love to travel by myself. No distractions. And a little more selfishly, I can stop when I want to, take pictures, see things I may have missed with someone traveling with me. I love to wander, to be open to not following a rigid schedule, to be free. For this type of exploration brings the most soulful experiences to me. Letting the Universe guide me to what I need to experience. And trusting it to do so. I have never regretted listening and following. And in doing so, I have had amazing personal interactions with others that have fed my Soul. And no, I don’t always travel alone, I do love to travel with others too. But when I need to go deep, it is when I go solo.

Inwardly, I have reached many peaks and depths this year. I have found a “tribe” of others that I meet quarterly with. Others with the same goals, to go deep, identify wounds, work on healing them, and in making ourselves a better person, more whole. To support each other and nurture each other in very vulnerable times. I never really understood that before. When I would hear that idea that healing the world starts with healing ourselves first, I wondered why the hell can’t the world be a better place even if I am still dealing with, or not dealing, with my shit?

Because…. how can the world be better, when I am still triggered by issues? How can I expect change out there, when I don’t change what’s in me? As I work on making myself whole, I can be a better person out there, and inside. And that energy we project, does affect others. Either consciously or subconsciously One thing I learned at The Institute of Heartmath years ago, is that our hearts project our energy to about a distance of 6 feet. This has been scientifically tested. Others can pick up the essence of what we are projecting. Positive or negative. This is all done on a subconscious level for most people. But there are those that can immediately feel it. And if someone is projecting negative energy, we all can sense it. But the big message here, is if I come from a loving space, others can feel that, it can produce a chain reaction of positivity. And vice versa. So if we can work on ourselves to become the best of who we can be, the whole world benefits. Bottom line is, we all feel the energy of others, whether we are conscious of it, or not. And it can create a snowball effect.

I was raised in the Catholic Church. And I have to say, it did not make me a better person. If all I needed to feel good about my sins was to go to confession and have them absolved, I am not working on making myself better. And if I am behaving in a certain way because of fear, I am not making myself a better person. I am not a “religious” person. But I would like to say I am a more “Spiritual” person. Not meant to be in an egotistical way. I find religion to be more set in the Ego, and being Spiritual to be more in alignment with the Great Spirit. I can’t say God anymore, it takes me to my Catholic roots, in which God could be a very patriarchal, punishing entity. And personally, I no longer believe that. I don’t believe God blesses some people, and not others. Even though the “blessed” want to tell us. (Ego based). God doesn’t have anything to do with letting a football team win because they are more Christian than the others, or bless people with big houses, or fancy cars. Or even blessing countries. Meanwhile, a child is getting neglected, or raped. A child who is not old enough to know what sin is, much less partake in it. That is all a smokescreen. I am sorry if I offend anyone, but I can’t follow a book that has so many interpretations. I don’t think Spirituality should be so hard to figure out. Studied to ad naseum. While people have their nose in these books, they are missing the most important thing. Just being a caring, empathetic person. That is what we all need. Following a book, and I am talking many religions’ books, won’t get us there. Look around in the world, in this country, and you can see what happens when we follow these books. It makes us close-minded, entitled, righteous…and there lies our problem. Getting closer to our Creator should not be complicated, or controlled. If we can’t understand it, we can’t feel it.

So, then, where is this Great Spirit? Everywhere. Go out for a walk in Nature. There you see and feel the power and magnificence. Look into a child’s eyes, or lover’s, or grandparents, or even your pet’s eyes. This is where we can feel the love of our Creator. It is everywhere. And not punishing, but waiting, for you to recognize in others, what is inside you. It is simple, really, be kind, heal what wounds you may have, and try to be one projecting the positive, loving energy. So others will recognize that in themselves. We are all connected in this web of life.

I would like to share a poem I wrote on the plane on my way back from Mallorca, Spain. I was just so in awe with it’s beauty. And it inspired this:

My church has no walls. It is as wide as the eye can see, and as high where the moon and stars kiss the sky, and beyond. And as deep as the roots, nurtured by our Mother.

It is open to All. As long as Love, Kindness, and Compassion are practiced. For this church does not condemn, judge, or use fear.

The steeples are the mountains, reachin up to embrace the Divineness.

And the pews…are often covered in moss, allowing space to commune with what Is.

The choir are the song birds welcoming the morning, and joining with the crickets at night, to close the day.

The congreations is made up of All living beings. And of those who have gone before us, upon whose shoulders we stand.

There are many words to describe the Divine Source: Love, God, Allah, Creator, Jehova, Great Spirit…Each name referring to One Universal Source of Light and Love. and knowing this is not a punishing or condeming Divine Source.

For we choose to follow the Darkness or the Light. To follow Fear, or Love.

The foundation of this church is built on Love, Respect, Compassion, Action, and Empathy. Celebrating the Oneness of All. And knowing that we are all interconnected. All part of the Web.

Connection to the Diving can be seen, felt, or heard instantly…in a beautiful sunset, watching eagles soar, in the laugh and love a child. In connection with animals… Within ourselves, or in memories.

The changes of seasons, the dying and rebirth, serve to remind us of Divine order.

And the blessings, well they are infinite…be it in sacred encounters with loved ones, animals, or within ourselves. Recognizing these gifts and practicing gratitude.

Communion is served in each connection with others. When we recognize our Soul’s Light reflecting from another’s.

All our welcome, as long as you have and keep and open heart.

So as 2024 enters, I invite you to go within, and listen, listen to the nudges of the heart. Then trust and take action. And be ready to be in awe of where you go. I dare you.. :)